Please Go Away # 1: MIMS

“I can sell a mil sayin nothing on the track.”

I don’t know how “This Is Why I’m Hot” blew up like Raven Symone. The song’s written by a guy who goes, admirably, by his last name, (MIMS,) but called his album M.I.M.S. (Music Is My Savior) instead of just naming it after himself like any good egomaniacal rapper would do. The name of that album is ripped straight from a 12-year-old girl’s away message, and it’s not like his song titles or lyrics do anything to redeem that.

So, like it or not, (and I don’t,) “This Is Why I’m Hot” hit Number 1 on the Billboard Hot 100 a few months ago, sounding like a Rain Man rendition “What You Know.” And, just like when any shitty song makes it big, everyone seems to be OK with that.

Well, I believe it’s my business to get grumpy about things like this because if I don’t, who will?

I can’t say that the lyrics don’t make any sense. They do. The problem is they say nothing. The hook is literally: “I’m hot cause I’m fly / You ain’t cause you not / This is why / This is why / This is why I’m hot.”

MIMS would make a great debate team captain, spouting such memorable, opponent-destroying lines as: “You’re wrong because you are,” and “The U.N. benefits the global community because it does.”

Alright, fine. That’s just the hook, though. Hooks don’t really have to back up any argument; they just have to establish the song title. But the difference between MIMS saying nothing in his hook and any other rapper saying nothing in his hook is that MIMS CONTINUES to say nothing, and seems to be PROUD of it (see above quote).

So, now I guess this guy is putting out more singles. Rap 101 for the Brain Dead. The only way that “This Is Why I’m Hot” has ever given me pleasure is when Lil’ Wayne completely murders MIMS over his own beat, saying the title only once. At the end, when he’s finished and ready to leave, Wayne says, “And that’s why I’m hot,” and then he laughs.

At MIMS.

I smile just thinking about it.