Lighten the Fuck Up

This is in response to a really, really stupid blog post from The Huffington Post and, to a lesser extent, an intelligent but misguided op-ed from Slate. Both take issue with Judd Apatow's Knocked Up, specifically the treatment of abortion in the film.

I originally wrote this as a comment on The Huffington Post, but I know it will never survive. It'll probably never get approved. Oh well. Here it is for you.

Let's see if you can spot the sarcasm!

"Not only are you about three months too late on this hopelessly unnecessary analysis, (check the Slate.com archives), but you seem to have harnessed powerful psychic abilities that have allowed you to peer deep within the mind of Judd Apatow and discover that he is a soldier for the religious right!

Genius!

"The point is not that abortion (or adoption) would have made for better comedy."

Unfortunately, that IS the point. It wouldn't. Let me run this by you: An overweight, scraggly slacker and a successful, attractive woman have a drunken one-night stand. When she finds out that she's pregnant, she decides to have an abortion. The end!

I don't know about you, but I'm laughing already.

"Having a baby doesn't magically transform your pot habit into a sense of responsibility (or infant-sodomy humorists into good babysitters)."

But, get this, in the MOVIE the CHARACTER decides to take on some RESPONSIBILITY. I know this is a big, bold, new concept for everyone to embrace, but sometimes in FICTION (especially in comedies) people don't always act the way they do in REAL LIFE.

I'll pause for a second to let that sink in. I know we're covering a lot of ground.

Could the movie have addressed abortion on a more serious level? Probably. Was it necessary? No. Does the decision to carry the baby to term mean that evangelical Christians are funneling money to Apatow? I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say "No. That's stupid."

So, please. Please. Laugh once in a while? I guess you haven't seen any actual gross-out comedies to know what one is, but this movie wasn't one. But if you really get all uncomfortable about people making (somewhat explicit) sex jokes, maybe you're the one with the right wing agenda.

I don't think that allegation is any less ridiculous than yours."

LOLapalooza (See What I Did There?)

So, apparently, AT&T sponsored a live webcast of Lollapalooza and censored the lyrics "George Bush, leave this world alone" and "George Bush, find yourself another home" while Pearl Jam was doing a cover of Pink Floyd's "Another Brick in the Wall Pt. 2".

Now, the blogs are getting all up in arms about political censorship and whatnot, and that's all well and good. I don't know what kind of dicks you have to be to censor your webcasts, or who they were really afraid of offending. Because, seriously, WHO KNEW that rock bands (especially Pearl Jam) leaned left?

So, sure, we could look at this like it's politically motivated, but we here at Swim Through Frequencies prefer to think that AT&T censored those lyrics because they were really, really lame. Maybe the guys at AT&T are big Pink Floyd fans, and they were just embarrassed by Vedder and Co. ruining a classic song.

Nothing against Pearl Jam, I guess. "Daughter" is a pretty sweet song. It's just that there are reasons why Pink Floyd is considered one of the greatest rock bands of all time, and there are reasons why Pearl Jam isn't.

Although they DO both have stupid names.

Story, Shmory.

Scout's honor: Coheed and Cambria used to be my favorite band. Hell, I'm still an active member of the Coheed and Cambria messageboard, where everyone who still posts there hates on Coheed. It's like a hobby of ours. A reverend recently came out and declared a whole bunch of rappers as misogynists (well, DUH) and I realized that such an issue doesn't often get addressed in rock music. Well, Coheed and Cambria are about to put out a new album, so I thought I'd compile this list of terrible things frontman Claudio Sanchez has said. You know, just for fun.

Top 10 Most Offensive Things Claudio Sanchez Has Ever Said In His Lyrics
This Does Not Count the Time He Called an Audience "A Bunch of Ni****s".

10. When I kill her, I'll have her
Die white girls, die white girls

09. Can your dick support your body weight?

08. So run little children, play
I'll leave the light off to turn your mother on

07. Well you're just as I presumed
A whore in sheep's clothing
Fucking up all I do

06. I deserve a..
A lollipop whore, yeah, lollipop whore
A whore!
(Haha, Oh yeah, Ahhh!!)

05. So cry on bitch,
Why aren't you laughing now?

04. Press the steps I take to cross your door frame if
You decide to answer when my fist rings hello

03. But I'm not ready to fuck her
Fuck her, fuck her, just to fuck her
I just can't think anyways
So give me my pussy you whore

02. That you're a selfish little whore
I'm the selfish little whore
If I had my way I'd crush your face in the door

01. When in doubt, just get down on your knees and suck

Fuck You, Brett Ratner/Thank You, Brett Ratner

Album of the Month: July 2007

Spoon - Ga Ga Ga Ga Ga

This album of the month thing is getting kind of silly, because by the end of the month everyone already is aware of how great albums like Spoon's Ga Ga Ga Ga Ga are, and they surely don't need me to tell them again. Heck, I'm sure a bunch of people (myself included) were shamelessly pumping Spoon's new jamz a couple months before this album even came out. Spoon has yet to make a bad album. They've mastered their game and they somehow know how to make it interesting and enjoyable every fucking time. They're kings.

So, maybe this is the last Album of the Month feature ever, we'll see. If not, Swim Through Frequencies is more than happy to state the obvious for its own narcissistic pleasure.