Showing posts with label Other. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Other. Show all posts

Thursday, November 8, 2007

This is Short Fiction. Not blog stuff. Read it anyway?

Old Folks' Home

Drew had woken up at 4 p.m. It was his policy to remain permanently unemployed so he could enjoy mornings, mostly by sleeping through them. To compensate for his lack of a paycheck, he had been gradually selling his CDs to local shops. He had started with discs given to him at birthdays and Christmas, but now he had started pawning off albums he actually liked, which was beginning to bother him.
“We have to buy something. The manager's glaring.” Anna, like Drew, did not want to buy anything. The two were sitting with their backs against the front window of CoffeeWorks, their cigarette smoke wafting through the door whenever a customer entered or left. Anna brushed her blond hair out of her face and stole another glance inside the shop. “I think he's coming out here.”
Drew sighed. “Alright. Let's walk.”
They heaved themselves off of the ground. Drew shielded his eyes from the sun and glanced around the plaza. There are very few poems written about how the sun looks setting over a strip mall, and it did nothing for Drew and Anna but shine directly into their eyes over the rooftops. They began walking in no particular direction, habitually heading toward the movie theatre that dominated most of the plaza. Drew turned himself sideways and pressed against the wall as a group of giggling, middle-aged ladies scurried past him into one of the shops. He sighed and turned to Anna.
“When was the last time you really wanted to be here?” he asked, brushing some dirt off of his pant leg.
“Never.”
“No, seriously.”
She really had to think about it. It was so usual for her to be sick of suburbia, to embrace that generational need to get out, she hadn't even considered the reasons why she stuck around. “I guess I just can't picture myself anywhere else,” she admitted.
Anna glanced backward at the highway that bordered the plaza. Beyond it, she could see the Jewish geriatric center, and she knew that beyond that was the driving range. “You know, there's not one like, arcade, or roller skating rink or... Chuck E. Cheese around here. You have to drive half an hour just to get to a Toys R Us.” She pointed at a store across the parking lot from where they were. “Remember when that place was a toy store? 'Family Toy' or something like that. It lasted what, two years? Maybe?”
“I couldn't say.”
“Whatever. Not long. It's a hardware store now. There are pharmacies popping up on every corner. There's not one kid-friendly business in town, but we both grew up here. And we're still here.”
Drew blinked into the setting sun and smiled a bit. “There's something wrong with us.”
Anna looked at the highway again. “I'm just afraid I'm going to become an old woman living in that nursing home. Lungs rife with cancer, living in a constant terror that I'm going to get hit in the head with a golf ball.”
She paused in front of the seafood restaurant to light another cigarette. Drew flicked the butt of his into the parking lot and watched the sparks bounce and disappear on the asphalt before following her example.
“Hey!” someone yelled.
Drew and Anna turned around to face the tiny woman addressing them. She was sitting at a table on the restaurant's patio. She looked about forty, and the features on her small face had all scrunched to the center to reflect her anger at the two smoking teenagers. “Hey, what's wrong with you kids? Don't you know that shit kills? Don't you have to take classes on that or something?”
Drew looked the woman up and down. She was sitting alone, a half-finished plate of salmon in front of her. Her New York Times was open to the crossword, and her wine glass was empty. She was exactly the kind of person he wanted to beat with a shovel every second of his life.
“It's ok,” he said to her, taking a drag and letting the smoke pour out as he talked, “I have Lou Gehrig's disease. My brain's melting. I'm just sort of racing it with emphysema.” He twitched a little bit, for effect. Anna turned around quickly, so the woman wouldn't see her laughing. Drew smiled calmly at the woman, who looked back at him, terrified, and picked her paper back up. “Have a great night!” he called as Anna pulled him away.
They began to cross the parking lot to get to the theatre. When they were halfway across, people began pouring out of the doors. Drew looked at his watch.
“It's six thirty. All the movies are getting out for the seven o'clock shows.” The parking lot filled with people swarming to their cars, battling to get out first. “This is going to get ugly, we should get to the sidewalk.”
As Drew and Anna approached the theatre, they noticed a boy sitting on the curb, slouched against one of the emergency exit doors. He looked asleep, in the kind of position that Drew had assumed only homeless people could manage.
“Drew, that's David,” Anna said tugging on Drew's sleeve. Drew squinted, and realized that she was right. He hadn't seen David since graduation. He was one of the few, along with Drew and Anna, that hadn't gone off to school in the fall, but they had never been close.
“He looks like he needs some help.” The two friends approached their classmate slowly, as if they were trying to sneak up on a deer.
“David.”
The boy looked up slowly, as if tugged by a string. He blinked several times. “Oh wow.”
“David, what are you doing here?” Anna asked.
There was a pause as David assessed his surroundings, seemingly unaware where he had been sitting. He lifted his hand off of the curb, revealing a cigarette butt that had left its mark on his palm. “I just got out of a movie,” he said, shutting his eyes.
“Which one?” Anna inquired. She flashed a concerned look at Drew, who raised his eyebrows and lit another cigarette. David opened his eyes again.
“Can I get one of those?” he asked, motioning lethargically to Drew's mouth.
“Yeah, sure.” Drew shoved his hand into his pocket and produced another cigarette. He held it out for David for a few moments, but when his friend made no move to take it, he slowly put it back in his pocket.
“I don't remember what movie it was,” David said suddenly. “I ate a whole bottle's worth of Robitussin pills before I came here. Me, Matt, some other kids.” His eyes lit up like he had just remembered something, and looked behind him. “I wonder where they went.”
Anna threw her hands up, exasperated. “What the fuck? You're tripping on cough medicine right now? Why didn't you say anything? I thought you had a concussion or something.”
“It didn't seem important. I can't feel my legs”
“Jesus.”
There were words in blue ink scrawled all over David's left wrist, continuing down his arm under his shirt. Drew squinted at it, but couldn't make the words out. “What's all over your arm?”
For a moment, David seemed to not understand the question. He glanced at his arm. “Oh, God. Yeah. I wrote my own obituary. During the movie. I couldn't focus on it. The movie.”
“Can I see it?” David produced his arm for Drew, who rolled up the sleeve and looked. Up and down David's arm were the words “DEAD” and “BORED” in various fonts and sizes. Drew looked closer to see if anything else was written, but it didn't look like it. He turned his head and looked quizzically at David, who had his eyes closed again.
There was a screech. Everyone in the parking lot looked up as a purple pickup truck careened around the corner from behind the movie theatre and slammed to a halt outside of it. There was a man inside, wearing a cap that poorly contained his white hair. He was a large man, more horizontally than vertically, and he was breathing heavily. For a second, there was no noise. No one moved, there were just a hundred pairs of eyes fixed on the truck.
Without warning, the man began laying on his horn, pressing the button for ten seconds at a time. Drew and Anna looked at each other with concern, but neither of them moved. The man began screaming at the people who were slowly walking by him to their cars. His windows were rolled up, and his words were drowned out by his horn blasts, but his mouth was stretched into a wordless, noiseless scream.
“What do you want?” David suddenly exclaimed. “What is it that you want?”
The man opened the truck's door and stumbled out. He leaned up against the bed of the pickup and continued to yell unintelligibly at those who walked by. He was clutching his chest with left hand and reaching out to passersby with his right. He turned and began yelling at a little girl whose mother snatched her away with a scream. Anna took a few steps toward him before Drew put a hand on her shoulder.
The man stumbled again, and slammed his shoulder against his truck. For a moment, he seemed to have regained his balance, but he suddenly stopped yelling. As he collapsed, the ambulance that someone must have called sped into the parking lot, lights flashing.
There was a stillness in the parking lot for just a few seconds. Then, slowly, a crowd began to form around the truck and the ambulance, abuzz with speculation. Anna slid Drew's hand off of her shoulder and ran over to join the crowd as a stretcher was being wheeled out of the ambulance.
Drew blinked. He put out his cigarette.

Thursday, August 9, 2007

LOLapalooza (See What I Did There?)


So, apparently, AT&T sponsored a live webcast of Lollapalooza and censored the lyrics "George Bush, leave this world alone" and "George Bush, find yourself another home" while Pearl Jam was doing a cover of Pink Floyd's "Another Brick in the Wall Pt. 2".

Now, the blogs are getting all up in arms about political censorship and whatnot, and that's all well and good. I don't know what kind of dicks you have to be to censor your webcasts, or who they were really afraid of offending. Because, seriously, WHO KNEW that rock bands (especially Pearl Jam) leaned left?

So, sure, we could look at this like it's politically motivated, but we here at Swim Through Frequencies prefer to think that AT&T censored those lyrics because they were really, really lame. Maybe the guys at AT&T are big Pink Floyd fans, and they were just embarrassed by Vedder and Co. ruining a classic song.

Nothing against Pearl Jam, I guess. "Daughter" is a pretty sweet song. It's just that there are reasons why Pink Floyd is considered one of the greatest rock bands of all time, and there are reasons why Pearl Jam isn't.

Although they DO both have stupid names.

Thursday, July 19, 2007

Pitchfork Music Festival 2007 Recap

GZA
I was completely OK with GZA wearing his own merchandise. It just felt right. The only problem with his set was that 90% of the crowd was just waiting for Sonic Youth to come on. So, while Jason, a few others, and I were all completely pumped and into it, most of the crowd was dead. They missed out.






















SONIC YOUTH
I wish i could convey how fucking crazy the crowd got when Sonic Youth started, but we decided to get the hell out of there.
















CALIFONE










































BATTLES
Were fucking amazing.



























This is a picture of Tyondai Braxton playing both guitar and keyboard AT THE SAME TIME. The other guitarist could do this too. It makes my brain hurt.

IRON AND WINE
Covering Radiohead's "No Surprises"



























CLIPSE
Easily the best show of the day and, for me, the entire festival.





















































The Menomena, Jamie Lidell, and Cool Kids pictures are all kind of lame, but each of them put on a really good show.

CADENCE WEAPON
What a character. He covered Weezer's "Pink Triangle" as a finale (Try to imagine that. You can't.) and kept dissing Fuze's Water Plus ("It's got what plants crave!"). Besides that, though, his DJ was incredible even though he looked like a rapist, and Cadence is one hell of a rapper.






























I am so proud of myself for that.

OF MONTREAL
They were pretty decent, but I don't regret missing most of their set for Cadence Weapon.
















The crowd was obviously super into them, though.

THE NEW PORNOGRAPHERS
Even though both Dan Bejar and Neko Case were missing (bringing up the completely fair arguement of "Can you really call this group The New Pornographers, then?), The New Pornos put on a really good show. I think my dancing was scaring the middle-aged couple who were doing bowl hits during the set.
















All in all, a great time was had.

Thursday, May 24, 2007

I Wish That I Were Making Any of the Following Information Up

R. Kelly’s new album, Double Up, leaked to the Internet a few days ago, and I immediately snatched it up when I found out. I am of the belief that there will be no more enjoyable song released Anno Domini 2007 than Robert’s “I’m a Flirt,” (featuring his friends Clifford and Faheem,) so I was understandably excited to experience further musical genius from the man.

After the tragedy at Virginia Tech in April, R. Kelly decided to pen a song, “Rise Up,” which would be available for digital download. The proceeds would go to the Hokie Spirit Memorial Fund.

Now, I understand that the man has definitely made some, how should I put this… interesting decisions, but I have to give him props for that one. In addition to the song being released for download, Kelly included it as the final track on the U.S. release of Double Up. Here's where the trouble starts.

The song on the album IMMEDIATELY PRECEDING this song, written to honor the memories of the victims of one of the most terrible tragedies in recent United States history and to help the survivors cope with the pain and memories that they will always have to live with, is called “Sex Planet.”

“Sex Planet.”

There is no interlude. No skit called “Let’s Get Serious For a Second.” Not even just a filler track of silence to let you relax after R. Kelly’s sexual adventure through the galaxy. Just a seamless transition from one song to the other.

And, if you were wondering if “Sex Planet’s” lyrics were anything like the title suggests, let’s try some examples on for size:

“Gonna get you so excited once I taste your Milky Way”

“So don’t trip, I got a giant rocket.”

“I’m about to take over and touch your soul / once I enter into your black hole.”

“Girl I promise it’ll be painless / We’ll take a trip to planet Uranus.”

Toward the end of the song, Kelly begins a countdown, starting with “R-Minus” for no reason other than he could. I could not make something like this up.

Now, this would be funny, (or sad, depending on what your sense of humor is,) ONCE on this album. However, Kelly compares his lovemaking techniques to something that I, if I were a girl or hot for R. Kelly, would never want inflicted on my person.

In the song “The Zoo,” which Kelly seems to get confused with a jungle, (I’ll give you a hint, Robert: Look for a Sno-Cone stand,) he talks about turning his girl over and playing the bongos on her, and how they’ll be like banana trees, I guess. But at least that song’s in between “Freaky in the Club” and “I’m a Flirt” and not “Let’s Talk About Darfur” and “Don’t Get AIDS,” or something.

So I guess I’m trying to say that there’s something fucking wrong with R. Kelly. I mean, for the love of God, the man’s 40 years old. He has to stop bangin’ chicks at some point, doesn’t he? He may be the King of R&B, but maybe it’s time to relinquish the throne to a younger man and take care of his kids. I know I wouldn’t want my daughter, and he DOES have a daughter, listening to Daddy Fucks the Female Population of Chicago because she wanted to know what I did for a living.

But, as evidenced in this Chicago Sun-Times article, R. Kelly fancies himself to be a strong leader and role model, so maybe I just don’t have the right perspective.

Plus, I have to be honest with myself. I would be devastated if R. Kelly never put out another single.

I just love “I’m a Flirt” so much.

Monday, May 21, 2007

Sound of Silver Makes James Murphy Want to Feel Like a Teenager


I’m having severe issues trying to decide what I think about LCD Soundsystem’s Sound of Silver. It’s gotten its fare share of good press, (Pitchfork apparently orgasms while listening to it,) and bad, (Cokemachineglow’s review is really spot-on, even if their score seems a bit low,) but I couldn’t quite decide where between the two of them I fell.

On first listen, it was clear to me that I liked it much more than the self-titled Soundsytem release from 2005, which suffered from being entirely too long, with several 5+ minute songs that, if a few extraneous minutes of synth loops had been extracted, could have made the album read like a how-to guide on pop/dance/frumpy white guy music.

As it is, LCD Soundsystem still has its choice of prime cuts, and is extremely danceable throughout. Sound of Silver loses some of that in favor of music with, (arguably,) a bit of depth, and manages to cut out a lot of the dead space that dragged its predecessor down. On the other hand, James Murphy, who always seems to be walking the line between “Ironic Aging Hipster” and “Kinda a Douchebag” seems to lean further and further into the second category.

Instead of reviewing the album, then, because Lord knows it’s beyond too late for that to matter, I’ll just compare the album’s best track with its worst track.

I’ll start with “North American Scum,” the album’s first single and, depending on which camp you fall into, either Murphy’s witty evaluation of how Europeans perceive North Americans (read: United States of Americans), or Murphy’s systematic alienation of himself from anyone not living in New York City. I see it both ways, but that’s not really what bothers me about it. My main problem stems from the simple fact that it’s not funny. Murphy’s humor comes under discussion a lot when reviewing his albums and, frankly, it’s only worked for him once. “Losing My Edge” was funny because it operated under this theory. Hipsters could all laugh together at the music references, and the sheer absurdity of the concept of the single was at least interesting and engaging. Not so for “North American Scum,” which instead makes me want to uncomfortably shift in my chair and look around the room to see what other people are thinking.

I guess before I even delve into the slimy mess that is the lyrics of the song, I should say that my most tangible dislike for the song comes from Murphy’s “I have a head cold today but I already paid for the studio time” delivery. Much like a pop-punker who sounds like he’s trying to be whiny, Murphy sounds like he’s trying to be reserved and cool. He just sounds congested.

But, ah. The lyrics.

As Conrad Armenta pointed out in his review on Cokemachineglow.com, the line “We’ve been on trains and on planes ‘till we think we might die / far from North America / where the buildings are old and you might have lots of mimes,” is inexcusable. “Lots of mimes?” And it’s not even like he says there WILL be “lots of mimes.” There “MIGHT” be. Beyond that, Murphy and a growing chorus of children chant “North America” once every 10 seconds, a term that seems ill-fitting considering the fact that he devotes an entire verse to New York City, (and a song at the end of the album.) He obviously does not represent all of North America, and clearly not even all of the United States. Maybe that’s supposed to be the point, or why it’s funny. But it’s not, and it just leaves Murphy sounding, as a friend of mine so delicately puts it, like a cock.

Switching gears entirely, “All My Friends” is one of the best songs I’ve heard all year, and its execution is something that I wish Murphy would try more often. Instead of being “funny,” Murphy takes some time to be sincerely nostalgic about hanging out with his friends, and I can get behind that. Simple, piano-driven production and a delivery by Murphy that sounds miles away from “North American Scum’s” tongue-applying-for-citizenship-in-cheek pompousness make “All My Friends” the kind of song that Murphy will probably never be able to pull off again, but damn if he didn’t do it well this time.

In the end, Sound of Silver isn’t a great album, but it’s not terrible either. It is consistently pretty good, with one huge pitfall and one Everest-ian high point. The other seven songs on the album are completely listenable, and often really enjoyable. I sorta see Sound of Silver as a step up from LCD Soundsystem, as Murphy plays around with what works and what doesn’t when he’s forced to restrain himself to one disc’s worth of material. And maybe, just maybe, the next time LCD Soundsytem releases an album, Murphy will have gotten over himself and the scene will have gotten over James Murphy.